The Golden Grahams

I'm proud of myself for managing to keep my last two posts happy. Don't get me wrong, I am so very happy with my life. I have a great husband who treats me wonderfully, a great family (on both sides), absolutely wonderful friends, I am very near completing my undergraduate education, I live in an absolutely beautiful place, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I can surf whenever I want to. I am happy. Not saying that I absolutely need all of those things to be happy - with the exception of the gospel, because we all need that - but I am very content and happy with how my life has turned out and how it continues to unfold. Maybe it's because I am content with all those things that I have such a hard time accepting my infertility . It sticks out like a sore thumb in my life. It's the black speck of paint against the backdrop of a pure white canvas. It's the bump in the road I just can't seem to get over. A couple of Sund...

Kung Hee Fat Choy!!! It is now the year of the snake! Sorry I know I am blogging backwards because Chinese New Years was on Feb 10 but that's okay. Chinese New Years always makes me miss my Chinese grampa who passes away just two years ago. He didn't say much to us because he was a quiet man except when he would lovingly boss us around hehe. But I knew how much he loved us. He always got us Chinese candies and I never liked them but I still ate them. I am proud to say that I am 25% Chinese! My husband's family is also Chinese so they have their own traditions as well. Ever since we were engaged his family has invited me to eat in Chinatown and then watch the lion dancing and firecrackers everywhere! This was our third year celebrating together and it was just as fun as the years before!

Valentines Day was so so perfect this year! The best one I have ever had, hands down. First I will backtrack to the night before. We have a really good friend whose husband is away so I thought it would be a good idea to do something for her! I originally wanted to heart attack her door, but when I went to steal paper from the school of Ed they had run out of red butcher paper! So I grabbed a long roll of white paper, brought it home, and then got josh to help me draw on it. It was a fun bonding activity for us and I told josh that I would like to make this a Valentines tradition! Pick two people we know who could use some Valentines lovin and make them treats or gifts! 6 am the next day we rolled out of bed to sneakily tape the poster to her door. We also did this for another girl in the ward whose husband just left and it was funny because josh pounded on her screen door and we ran away laughing. It was exciting. 8 am Josh made me breakfast and drew a lily (my favorite flower) on...

http://meganswishingwell.blogspot.com/2012/04/feelings-matter.html?m=1 Thank you, Infertile Myrtle, for speaking for the rest if us. Some days I am strong. Some days I can shrug off the comments. Some days I forget how broken I feel. Some days my faith is strong and I willfully submit to the Lord's plan for me, whatever that may be. But every day is a battle. Every. Single. Day. My mind is blown by how much time has passed me by since we officially started "trying to conceive." At first I wouldn't admit it though. I would tell people, "We're not trying, but we're open to anything that may happen." Can you say foot in mouth?! I was not expecting this. Not one bit. Looking back, almost all of my struggles were because of a mistake I made. So I knew it was my own fault that I was suffering. But when things just "happen," it really throws you for a loop. And I guess I'm still trying to figure out how to jump through that loop. Maybe...

Today our Relief Society lesson was on Faith. I've had more lessons on this topic than I can even count, having grown up in the church, but I must say that today's lesson moved me to tears. Not only were the teacher's stories touching, but the message she taught was powerful. It really made me think about my own faith and what I've been going through (not just with the PCOS thing, but some big decisions I'm going to need to make very soon regarding my education). So now I'm asking, what does your seed of faith look like? Do you still need to plant it? Has it just barely begun to sprout? Have you spent time nurturing it and begun to "branch" out? Are you a big, beautiful, healthy plant serving as an example for other little seeds to grow? :)

I mentioned in the beginning of my last post that I had been debating about whether or not to post it, and that was due in large part to my hesitancy (is that a real word?) in sharing with the world my personal problem that Josh and I (because he is such a huge support) are dealing with. Despite those feelings, I went ahead and shared with the world what I am going through. Turns out, it was a prompting and I'm so glad I listened. Why? Because of all of you. This wasn't the purpose for my posting last time, but I have received such an outpouring of love, advice, and support. Thank you so much. The main reason for my last post was to help others experiencing the same struggles know that they are not alone, and that they do not have to suffer alone. Lastly, I needed questions answered. A lot of my questions have been answered in the past couple of days, but I still have questions. I'm hoping to see an Endocrinologist (someone who specializes in hormone disorders) so...

The title of this post may seem dismal. But read on, and you will understand what it means. I've debated for a little while now about making this blog post. To some who are unable to relate, it may not be a big deal. But for me, it is a very big deal. So I guess I'll start off with a little background information. June 2011 - Josh and I get married! Yay! Happiest time of our lives. Hands down. We are as happy as could be and the happiness and love just keeps growing. I am truly grateful for that. He is truly my best, best friend and everything I need and want. I'm not just saying that either. I'm humbled to think that Heavenly Father would see it fit to have me experience such happiness in marriage, and for that I am also truly grateful. Josh and I talked about when we wanted to start our family from the beginning of our engagement. We were both concerned because A) I had 2 years and Josh had 3 years of schooling (undergrad) left and B) We both had no mon...