Sunday, July 7, 2013

Two Years of Wisdom

Most of you probably already know that I "waited" for Josh while he was on his mission. The reason I put that word in quotations is because the definition of that word varies from crazy girl to crazy girl...my definition entailed writing him for two years with the hope that we would marry when he came home. Eventually. And we did! Anyway, I was contemplating what he and I have been going through over the last couple of months and this entry from a week after he got home really helped me.

But here, and now. This. This is what I have waited two long years for. This is what I had faith in. This is what I have loved. And...it's working. I love that it's working. I can't describe it adequately but I am so happy, the happiest I've ever been. And I'm trying not to slip into this "honeymoon phase" where the couple is just happy and thinks everything will be all fine and dandy... I know that every healthy relationship has hardship to some degree, and we've had some but we use those to bring us closer, to build each other up, or to use it to strengthen ourselves individually.

Love it. Love him. Gosh, do I love him.

Why Ask Why?

Summer Session A finished on June 7th and our lives have been a whirlwind since then. After three ER visits, Josh was admitted to the hospital that weekend for a 105 degree fever and they did another CT scan (he had one a month prior) and found a second kidney stone, and it was 4 mm this time rather than 2 mm like the other one was. Here it is:

It was a scary experience for me trying to care for Josh as he recuperated from his illness but I surprised myself at how strong I was. I was there every time he needed me. I stayed in the hospital every single day with him, not caring about surfing or seeing daylight or anything. I just wanted to stay by his side and care for him. I think that's true Christ-like love. At least I hope it is, because that's the kind of love Josh deserves, and the kind of love that will carry us through all obstacles in marriage and in life. I have never seen him in so much physical pain, I have never seen him so weak. And I think it was like I had a psychological "rush of adrenaline" where I knew I had to be strong for us. I'm glad he only had to stay in the hospital for three days though, otherwise I might have gone nuts if it was weeks or months, haha.

So we celebrated our second wedding anniversary in room 327 of Castle Hospital!! Lucky us!! ;D We came home from the hospital, where he got a stent inserted to drain the very bad infection from his kidneys, then went back a week later to his urologist to have it removed. He had a couple more days of intense pain from that stent invading his organs but he has been pain free since then and we are so grateful! I'm personally grateful to Josh's parents and my parents for coming to visit him in the hospital and for taking such great care of us. All I can say is, Josh owes me a frickin awesome third anniversary after this experience!!

After we got home, we began the 2-3 day moving process. We finally got into a one bedroom apartment! Whoohoo no more studio!! One thing I am bummed about though is that we already have seen 3 cane spiders and we haven't even been here a month yet...our second floor studio was almost bug free compared to here. But it's because our building is right next to a big open field. But I do like our apartment! Storage space is amazing!

My first instinct when bad things happen is to ask Heavenly Father, why? I automatically feel like everything has a cause and effect. Thus, I must have done something to deserve this or that trial. So what did I do? But since it feels like a lot of trials have been hitting us lately, I've been thinking...what is the purpose of asking why? What good will finding out the reason for my struggles and sadness do? That is why Heavenly Father doesn't want us to ask why. It is because he does not want us to focus on the past. Past pain, past mistakes, past memories...he wants us to live in the present and to look toward the future. This gospel is all about progression. If you are not moving forward, you are allowing yourself to get pushed backward by external forces.

One thing I have realized about life is that if it's not one thing trying you, it will always be something else. So we can't just sit and wait for it to pass and think things will be easy from there. We have to constantly be on our toes and working towards worthy goals, or else the good will pass us by and the bad will stay to make us miserable. Dealing with infertility has been my main source for asking, "Why?" over this past year. It is seriously a roller coaster of emotions! One day you feel like superwoman and feel content, the next your arms feel empty, your heart aches, and your eyes water. I know that as I wait, I am so very blessed and lucky to have the people in my life that make me happy, especially my husband. So I don't want to seem ungrateful. But I also want Heavenly Father to see that I truly desire this. To be a mother some day is a worthy goal I am working towards.

Anyway, Josh and I are great. Working our butts off like crazy over this summer break, but it's good because we are being financially taken care of. We see the blessings of paying a full tithe every month when we pay each bill on time. We see the blessings of each day when we remember to pray together. We love being married and we love everyone in our lives! So if you're reading this, know that we love you and thank you for touching our lives in the way that you have.