The Golden Grahams

I'm proud of myself for managing to keep my last two posts happy. Don't get me wrong, I am so very happy with my life. I have a great husband who treats me wonderfully, a great family (on both sides), absolutely wonderful friends, I am very near completing my undergraduate education, I live in an absolutely beautiful place, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I can surf whenever I want to. I am happy. Not saying that I absolutely need all of those things to be happy - with the exception of the gospel, because we all need that - but I am very content and happy with how my life has turned out and how it continues to unfold. Maybe it's because I am content with all those things that I have such a hard time accepting my infertility . It sticks out like a sore thumb in my life. It's the black speck of paint against the backdrop of a pure white canvas. It's the bump in the road I just can't seem to get over. A couple of Sund

Kung Hee Fat Choy!!! It is now the year of the snake! Sorry I know I am blogging backwards because Chinese New Years was on Feb 10 but that's okay. Chinese New Years always makes me miss my Chinese grampa who passes away just two years ago. He didn't say much to us because he was a quiet man except when he would lovingly boss us around hehe. But I knew how much he loved us. He always got us Chinese candies and I never liked them but I still ate them. I am proud to say that I am 25% Chinese! My husband's family is also Chinese so they have their own traditions as well. Ever since we were engaged his family has invited me to eat in Chinatown and then watch the lion dancing and firecrackers everywhere! This was our third year celebrating together and it was just as fun as the years before!

Valentines Day was so so perfect this year! The best one I have ever had, hands down. First I will backtrack to the night before. We have a really good friend whose husband is away so I thought it would be a good idea to do something for her! I originally wanted to heart attack her door, but when I went to steal paper from the school of Ed they had run out of red butcher paper! So I grabbed a long roll of white paper, brought it home, and then got josh to help me draw on it. It was a fun bonding activity for us and I told josh that I would like to make this a Valentines tradition! Pick two people we know who could use some Valentines lovin and make them treats or gifts! 6 am the next day we rolled out of bed to sneakily tape the poster to her door. We also did this for another girl in the ward whose husband just left and it was funny because josh pounded on her screen door and we ran away laughing. It was exciting. 8 am Josh made me breakfast and drew a lily (my favorite flower) on

http://meganswishingwell.blogspot.com/2012/04/feelings-matter.html?m=1 Thank you, Infertile Myrtle, for speaking for the rest if us. Some days I am strong. Some days I can shrug off the comments. Some days I forget how broken I feel. Some days my faith is strong and I willfully submit to the Lord's plan for me, whatever that may be. But every day is a battle. Every. Single. Day. My mind is blown by how much time has passed me by since we officially started "trying to conceive." At first I wouldn't admit it though. I would tell people, "We're not trying, but we're open to anything that may happen." Can you say foot in mouth?! I was not expecting this. Not one bit. Looking back, almost all of my struggles were because of a mistake I made. So I knew it was my own fault that I was suffering. But when things just "happen," it really throws you for a loop. And I guess I'm still trying to figure out how to jump through that loop. Maybe