BFN

:( I'm going to take a break.

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Emalia’s Birth Story - Part 1

  Birth Story — Part 1 Every bone and muscle in my body aches of trauma. Imprints of hands and instruments where they shouldn’t have been. My body did not welcome them there. And yet without them -  she  would not be here. Why does my throat and chest hurt? I got intubated? When did that happen?  My stitches burn in pain reminding me.  How did everything go so wrong in an instant?  I was powerful. I was doing it. One contraction at a time.  Contractions all week. Contractions all day. I endured, each one bringing me closer to her, I said.  1/18/25 8:15 pm “Josh, get me a towel. It feels like my water is about to break.” Towel is placed just as I feel the  pop! Progress , I proudly tell myself.  The fluid looks funny. Is that meconium? Should I be worried? Contractions immediately intensify like a freight train. My unmedicated, natural dream birth was just around the corner.  Or so I thought. Or so I hoped.  Something about each...
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Learning to Let Go

The title of this post may seem dismal. But read on, and you will understand what it means. I've debated for a little while now about making this blog post. To some who are unable to relate, it may not be a big deal. But for me, it is a very big deal. So I guess I'll start off with a little background information. June 2011 - Josh and I get married! Yay! Happiest time of our lives. Hands down. We are as happy as could be and the happiness and love just keeps growing. I am truly grateful for that. He is truly my best, best friend and everything I need and want. I'm not just saying that either. I'm humbled to think that Heavenly Father would see it fit to have me experience such happiness in marriage, and for that I am also truly grateful. Josh and I talked about when we wanted to start our family from the beginning of our engagement. We were both concerned because A) I had 2 years and Josh had 3 years of schooling (undergrad) left and B) We both had no mon...
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Emalia's Birth Story: Still processing...

 'Ema was born almost 3 weeks ago, and I have been meaning to get on here to finish her birth story. My last blog post came from a place of raw, unfiltered pain -- both physical and emotional. I was still lying flat in my hospital bed while I wrote it on my phone, unable to move very much without pain. I sobbed as I wrote it, and with each sob, it felt like I was tearing open my stitches, but I couldn't control it. Statistics say that about 1 in 3 births in the U.S. are c-sections. That is a high percentage, and is so common that mentioning when one gives birth via c-section, it does not elicit any strong emotion or reactions from others....but it should. 30% of births in the U.S. are c-sections? That is unacceptable. I regret not listening more carefully to women who have been through this; I regret not trying taking it more seriously. I regret ever thinking to myself, "Well, she's taking the easy way out," when I hear of elective c-sections. It is MAJOR surgery....
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