6 Month-a-versary!

Today Josh and I hit our six-month mark of being married. I told Josh this morning that at first it felt like time was going by slowly, but then as soon as school started it all of a sudden turbo-boosted us to six months. That's half a year. And Josh has been home from his mission for over a year now. Sometimes when I think about time too much it gets overwhelming, which then makes me really grateful that in the eternities there will be no concept of "time."

I don't think I could ever adequately put into words how grateful I am for my husband. He puts up with so much from me. And I'm not just saying that either. I frequently get overwhelmed or stressed about school or work, along with various other responsibilities that I'll have emotional breakdowns. He's always there to wipe my tears away and help me get myself up again. What's ironic is that I am truthfully the happiest I've ever been, but sometimes even the littlest things will make me irritated at him. That makes no sense!! It frustrates me, but we always talk things over and we realize it's just one of those things with being a newlywed couple that entails learning to live with each other. Being in each others' presence at all hours of the day, every day. Obviously, we can't be happy, patient, charitable people all the time. It's a bit scary to think that Josh sees all of who I am, even the worst of me. But the amazing thing is that through it all, he still loves me. Truly, unconditionally, and effortlessly, he loves me. As a little girl, this was literally ALL I dreamed about. I just wanted to find someone that could love me as passionately as I loved them. And I found it.

I often think of myself as a very compassionate person. Everything has an emotion tied to it. When I work(ed) at the USS Missouri as a tour guide, when I teach my youth in Sunday School, when I text friends to ask how they're doing, when I carry my newborn niece as she cries for seemingly unknown reasons...I put my heart into all of it. I don't know why, but I guess that's just who I am. And I like it.

I didn't always feel that way about myself though, and even now I still struggle. For some reason, I've always struggled to like myself. I'm overly critical (in my mind) about a lot of things I do. But when I got married, I realized that this sort of thinking not only brings myself down, but it brings my husband down as well. It's totally not worth my selfishness to do that to him. So I've been trying to change myself. I learned in psychology class that you can train your own brain to be "happier." The part of your brain that deals with those emotions will physically change shape and you'll have more positive thoughts more often as you make efforts to have them. Not sure if that's accurate, but I remember reading it in my psych. textbook.

So I guess those are my thoughts for tonight. Kind of random, so I'll just add even more randomness. Next week is final exams, then we're celebrating finishing this semester by staying in the Hale Koa hotel! Okay, it's actually for my mom's birthday. But it works out pretty well. :)

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