The Golden Grahams

This past week has been an emotional roller coaster for me. If I'm being honest, though, sometimes it seems like every week is an emotional one for me 😅 Yesterday was especially difficult. I woke up to some unpleasant (and actually very mean and hurtful) messages on social media that were directed at me. I almost started crying, but surprisingly, I held it together and just told this person, "Merry Christmas! 💗" There were so many things I could have said, words backed with lots of anger and hurt...but I didn't. Maybe it's because it was Christmas Eve Eve, or maybe it's because I actually made a point to read/listen to a General Conference talk yesterday morning. Whatever the cause, I did my best to "turn the other cheek."  I'm still in shock that that happened to me, but Josh made me promise not to talk about it anymore because it makes us both upset, so I'm letting it go. So all of that happened in the morning, and Josh was workin...

It's amazing how drastically your life can change over time --  it could be a few years, a couple of months, or even a split second.  You're just plugging along, sometimes just trying to survive the day to day grind, then suddenly you stop and look back at a specified amount of time and you go, "Holy crap! A lot has changed!" It could be within yourself or just events in your life. Here are some examples of moments like that from my life: -The year I graduated high school (2008), I had suffered heartbreak twice before meeting Josh and building my relationship with him. So basically, I had 3 boyfriends in one year 😳😲. That's a little embarrassing to admit...as it shows my immaturity.. -I wrote Josh letters for 2 years while he served his mission in Tampa, Florida, feeling like I had an imaginary boyfriend with him being gone for so long, and then suddenly we were married for eternity 7 months after he returned home. 😍 -I had a really painful falling out wi...

It has almost been one month since Mikala was born, which means I have been a mother for almost one month.  I don't even know how to accurately describe all the emotions I have felt since Sept. 14, but I'm going to try. The biggest thing I have learned, is that the learning curve to parenthood is a steep one and it's a never ending cycle of learning! Here are the biggest things I have learned this month: Breastfeeding . While I was pregnant, I was sooo determined to exclusively breastfeed my son when he was born.  I had heard about some of the struggles I may encounter from family and friends, mostly about the physical pain associated with it. What I had not heard about was the emotional struggles I would be facing!  On the day he was born, he did really well with his sucking and I thought I had him latched as well.  I just thought, well that's nice, this came naturally for both of us. Um, WRONG.  On the second night, I couldn't get him to latch.  He h...

Our son, Mikala Kamea'oli Keali'ikumalama Young Gun Graham was born on Wed. Sept. 14, 2016 at 6:35 pm.  He weighed 7 lbs 10.8 oz and was 20.5 inches long. Despite my struggles to conceive my baby, I was blessed with a very normal, healthy pregnancy. There was a little scare in the beginning when doctors found a small subchorionic hematoma at my 8 week ultrasound.  Basically I had a bit of internal bleeding during the implantation phase of pregnancy.  They said it could increase my chances of miscarriage should it continue to bleed, but also said many many women go on to have normal, healthy pregnancies.  I was truly blessed to be one of those women. Before I begin, I just want to say that my whole life up until now, I was completely terrified of childbirth. I mean there was even one point when I was struggling with infertility that I had the passing thought of, "At least I probably won't have to endure the pain of childbirth.." And yeah, it is a crazy experien...

Wow, the last time I blogged about being pregnant, I was just barely announcing it at 10 1/2 weeks! Pregnancy is all I constantly think about, and with my excitement to meet our little one, sometimes I feel like it is going by so slowly. But right now, it feels like it is flying! Before this pregnancy experience passes me by, I want to make sure I document all the wonderful memories we have made so far.  I don't know if this will be my one and only pregnancy, or even when my next one could be. It's all up to my body (and the Lord)! This might be a long one, because I'm a very detail-oriented person (I get that from my dad!!)...so bear with me... PART I: Finding Out - Saturday, January 16, 2016 (6 weeks, 3 days pregnant) My period was over 2 weeks late by this point, and this was the first month in a long time I didn't suspect anything. I was trying to not think about trying to get pregnant for once! I was just late, as usual! My body likes to do things randomly, on i...

Today started like any other normal day. Just imagine your usual routine of running around to get ready to go to your full time job. All day at work was hectic as it usually is moving from one lesson to another and to another, all while trying to herd cats (aka nearly 30 students). Right when the bell rang I rushed around my classroom to prep for tomorrow's lessons then ran out the door to drive all over tarnation running errands. On one errand I had to stop at my mom's house and as I was trying to run back out the door 5 seconds after running IN through the door, she stopped me and said, "Can you do me a favor? Can you go to grampa's grave and put flowers there?" For a second I thought it was his birthday but then she said, "Today marks 5 years since he passed away." It added yet another errand to my already growing list but this was something I willingly did. I made it my last stop on my way home. I don't even know how long it's been since ...

Where do I even begin?  I've been dreaming about this day, this life I am living right now for so long. What do you do when one of your dreams come true? You blog about it, of course. Many of you know that Josh and I have struggled with the trial of infertility for the last 4 years.  I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) in 2012 and it has been a rollercoaster ever since.  While I know there are many out there who have struggled longer than I have, or are still struggling, or still wonder if they will ever become mothers, it is not possible to compare one woman's journey with another's.  There is no such thing as "my pain is greater than your pain."  I like to use the analogy that I may have a broken arm while you have a broken leg.  We suffer differently, but we still feel pain. And in the world of infertility, just having that common pain with another brings a little bit of comfort to know that you are not alone. I was not alone. I hav...