Christmas Spirit = The Spirit of Christ

This past week has been an emotional roller coaster for me. If I'm being honest, though, sometimes it seems like every week is an emotional one for me 😅

Yesterday was especially difficult. I woke up to some unpleasant (and actually very mean and hurtful) messages on social media that were directed at me. I almost started crying, but surprisingly, I held it together and just told this person, "Merry Christmas! 💗" There were so many things I could have said, words backed with lots of anger and hurt...but I didn't. Maybe it's because it was Christmas Eve Eve, or maybe it's because I actually made a point to read/listen to a General Conference talk yesterday morning. Whatever the cause, I did my best to "turn the other cheek."  I'm still in shock that that happened to me, but Josh made me promise not to talk about it anymore because it makes us both upset, so I'm letting it go.

So all of that happened in the morning, and Josh was working (on a Saturday) so I was already pretty bummed. I called him and told him about it on my way to a birthday party for a friend's baby boy, and Mikala had a pretty grumpy morning filled with lots of tears and loud crying, which made me even more upset. I got to the party in a foul mood, but decided to just brave being in a social atmosphere by myself. 

I didn't really know too many other people there, so I sat alone (with Mikala).  I have to admit, in moments like that, I'm so grateful that I have my little buddy to take everywhere with me. Sometimes it feels inconvenient to tend to his needs 24/7, but the truth is, I absolutely love his company. I love his sweet, happy spirit. I love his cuddles. I love his innocent laughter. I love HIM.

Anyway, I fed him while I waited for the food line at the party to go down. After he ate enough to be happy, I left our things on our table and carried him to go stand in line for food. I was planning to carry him in one arm and hold my plate in the other arm. I've done that before. As I was about to get my plate, I saw a woman whom I have known since I was born (she's about my mom's age) from church walking towards me with a smile on her face. I smiled back, thinking that that was just her way of saying, "Hi!" from far away.

She walked straight toward me and then offered to carry Mikala so I could get a plate of food. I tried to give him to her, but he's been so clingy lately and wouldn't let go of me. So instead, she offered to hold my plate for me and serve me food. I'm always ashamed of accepting help from people, probably because of the prideful side of me, worrying that people will think I'm helpless or incapable of doing 12 things at once😁 (really, who's going to be analyzing my multitasking skills??). However, this time, I was so touched by her act of service that I didn't have enough time to think about how to politely refuse help, and she grabbed my plate and started serving me food. 

When we got to the end of the line, she set my plate down in front of my chair and I thanked her. When I sat down, I had to try really hard to fight back tears. After the kind of morning I had had, being attacked on social media, dealing with a sick grumpy baby, and having a husband away working his 6th day that week...being a recipient of such a selfless act completely overwhelmed me and humbled me. (I would find out later that day, as I related this story to Josh, he had actually prayed for angels to minister to me after we had gotten off the phone before the party..she was definitely an angel.)

That was not the end of the service I received yesterday. 

As soon as I sat down to start eating, the daughter-in-law of the woman who had helped me, sat down in front of me. We've never really talked much at all before, but here she was sitting in front of me. I knew who she was because our families knew each other, but I've never taken the time to have a conversation with her. She said, "So I know this is totally random, but..." She then proceeded to tell me the whole story about how she and her husband had struggled for 11 months to conceive their daughter. She felt so alone in her struggle (because infertility tends to be a private struggle) and was told to read my blog about how Josh and I were able to conceive Mikala. She then decided to try out acupuncture and was able to get pregnant the following month. Something she told me was, "I just wanted to share that with you because you probably didn't think you were helping somebody else when you wrote about your trials, but you helped me." Again, I had to try so hard to fight back tears. Not only did her mother-in-law feel the prompting from the Spirit to administer service to me, but this girl also felt prompted to share something that would cheer me up. 

Even now as I'm writing all of this down, I'm overcome with emotion and gratitude for the love that my Heavenly Father has for me. I'm so imperfect. I can be so selfish at times. I can be so prideful. I can be so, so ungrateful when I complain a lot. And yet, He loves me enough to still comfort me through two sweet spirits.

The goodness I have felt from this family continued today. We decided to attend my parents' ward instead of ours for church today. It's Christmas Eve and I figured it would be nice to spend more time with my family and to see their Christmas musical program they put together. After church, I found out that the daughter of the woman who first helped me was finally pregnant after maybe 4 years of struggling with infertility. We are about the same age and grew up together, so we know each other very well. This time, I did tear up. I felt so much joy for her, as I know how painful it has been for her (as it was for me) to overcome this trial. Although she did not directly administer service to me in a traditional sense, just knowing what a strong, and faithful woman she is -- one who patiently endured a trial given to her -- I felt joy in my heart knowing that she finally obtained the blessing she so deserves and has been praying for.

In a matter of 2 days, 3 individuals from 1 family have blessed my life and shared the Spirit of Christ(mas) with me, even though I am so undeserving. I know that is not a coincidence at all. It was as if Heavenly Father was enveloping me in His loving embrace with a quiet, tender reminder that I am loved. Despite my struggles, pains, imperfections, short-comings, and sins...He loves me.

This is the true Spirit of Christmas: service and making others feel loved.