The Golden Grahams

 Yesterday I had to complete a full medical profile for myself to update my life insurance, which led me to logging in to myChart on Hawaii Pacific Health to get information regarding my c-section. It was the first time I read the detailed operative notes of my surgery and I felt so many emotions as I reread every step that happened that night, including a surprising one: immense gratitude. I still cry so much over the circumstances of 'Emalia's birth. I'm less angry about my c-section and more heartbroken over robbed moments. I should have been the first one to hold her, I should've been able to hear her first cry, I should've been able to breastfeed her within her first hour of life. But you know what I realized? The doctors truly did save her life, as much as it pains me to admit that I could have been the cause of her passing had I chosen not to go to the hospital when I did. Her heart rate remained in the 60's for a sustained period of time upon checking in...

 'Ema was born almost 3 weeks ago, and I have been meaning to get on here to finish her birth story. My last blog post came from a place of raw, unfiltered pain -- both physical and emotional. I was still lying flat in my hospital bed while I wrote it on my phone, unable to move very much without pain. I sobbed as I wrote it, and with each sob, it felt like I was tearing open my stitches, but I couldn't control it. Statistics say that about 1 in 3 births in the U.S. are c-sections. That is a high percentage, and is so common that mentioning when one gives birth via c-section, it does not elicit any strong emotion or reactions from others....but it should. 30% of births in the U.S. are c-sections? That is unacceptable. I regret not listening more carefully to women who have been through this; I regret not trying taking it more seriously. I regret ever thinking to myself, "Well, she's taking the easy way out," when I hear of elective c-sections. It is MAJOR surgery....

  Birth Story — Part 1 Every bone and muscle in my body aches of trauma. Imprints of hands and instruments where they shouldn’t have been. My body did not welcome them there. And yet without them -  she  would not be here. Why does my throat and chest hurt? I got intubated? When did that happen?  My stitches burn in pain reminding me.  How did everything go so wrong in an instant?  I was powerful. I was doing it. One contraction at a time.  Contractions all week. Contractions all day. I endured, each one bringing me closer to her, I said.  1/18/25 8:15 pm “Josh, get me a towel. It feels like my water is about to break.” Towel is placed just as I feel the  pop! Progress , I proudly tell myself.  The fluid looks funny. Is that meconium? Should I be worried? Contractions immediately intensify like a freight train. My unmedicated, natural dream birth was just around the corner.  Or so I thought. Or so I hoped.  Something about each...

It has been ages since I have taken the time to journal about life, and a lot has happened. The biggest update being that we are expecting baby #4 in just a few short weeks time -- another girl. Tonight as I was doing the normal bedtime routine and watching my first baby girl falling asleep, I started to list in my mind all that I was grateful for from today, so I'll write them here: Today, I was grateful to... be home for Mikala to take care of him as he was sick and missed school today feed my babies dinner and make their tummies full wash, dry, and fold laundry so they could have clean clothes to wear this week watch them play a game of pretend sea monsters after dinner and laugh and wrestle with each other scrub the dirt out of Mikala's baseball pants so he could have a clean uniform for his next game read 5 books and sing 3 songs to Gigi at bedtime feel baby girl #2's kicks and wiggles inside my belly all day comfort Napela with cuddles when he was sad draw a Diplodocu...

 This past weekend, Josh and I decided to take a little anniversary trip and leave our babies with their grandparents. It was the first time we didn't take our kids with us on any vacation, so I had a lot of anxiety about it but everything turned out so well! Thursday, June 8 Josh and I had a gym date around 9:00 am. We rarely get to work out together because of his work schedule so this was a cute little treat Josh really wanted. Afterwards, we spent most of the day cleaning the house and packing. I also did a big grocery haul so that the kids would be stocked up with food and snacks while we were gone. The GrahamParents came over around 3:00 pm and we were on our way! I hadn't eaten lunch because I was so stressed out trying to prep everything for the kids while we were gone so we had to make a pit stop at Jack in the Box, but then, we were on our way! We drove through traffic for a bit but got to our first destination around 4:00 and we surfed Straight Outs near Kewalo Basin...

 On Monday, March 29 I went to what I was hoping would be my very last prenatal appointment this pregnancy. I was 39 weeks 5 days along and felt more than ready to have this baby. The midwife I saw checked my cervix and said I was still the same as my last appointment - about 2.5-3 cm dilated and 50% effaced. She asked if I wanted a membrane sweep and I said yes! Since I wanted to give birth already but didn’t want to get an induction. Her sweep was more painful than the one I had gotten the week before, and since I was further along in weeks I felt like it would probably work. And I believe it did! Immediately after my appointment I started having super spaced out, but painful contractions. I didn’t want to focus on it or time it since I know my body has long labors. I just continued on with my day and went to hang out with some friends. We had scheduled a play date so our kids could have some fun together. It had been a really long time since we’d gathered like that due to the pa...