Surprise! Baby Graham #3

 Well, just 2 blog posts ago I wrote about Napela's birth story, and here I am writing about the next baby that's about to join our little (growing) family!

Right before Napela was born, my midwife had asked what my plans were for birth control after I had him. I told her, "Uhhh, nothing." I explained that since I have a history of infertility, and that it took 4.5 years to conceive Mikala, and then 2.5 years to conceive Napela, I would not be using any sort of birth control as I want to make sure my body can conceive a third child.  I just assumed that it would take a few years again like it did before. I did acknowledge noticing a pattern that it took less time to conceive the second baby, but again, I thought it would take 1 year or so.

I was exclusively breastfeeding Napela since the day he was born, so I was kinda peeved when my period came back at 10 weeks postpartum. I also don't lose a ton of weight while breastfeeding like a lot of women do. So all the perks that are supposed to come with breastfeeding (to the mother) don't happen to me. After that first period, I kept getting them every 5 weeks and it was the first time in my whole life to ever have a regular cycle. This should've tipped me off that I was fertile, but again, I didn't want to get my hopes up and was still thinking in the "I'm infertile" mindset. 

My last period that I was supposed to have (before I found out I was pregnant) was due around July 19th or so. A few days passed and I just assumed my body decided to not have regular periods anymore, so I kept waiting until it was a full week late. By then, I was feeling some other symptoms. I didn't want to go a buy a pregnancy test and have the result turn out negative, but I did it anyways. I brought home the test, had dinner, put the kids to bed, and then quietly retreated to the bathroom to take the test.

I think it was around 9 pm when I finally took it, and it turned into a bright positive right away. I think the first words out of my mouth were along the lines of, "Oh, frick." And then nervous laughter. I washed my hands, then took the test to show Josh. I didn't even say anything, I just walked toward him holding up the test. It was kind of dark in the house and his eyesight isn't too good at night, so he had to really squint and stare at it for a long time. I don't even remember what he said besides, "Wait, are you really pregnant?" And then we just kinda stood there and let it start processing in our minds. So many thoughts were going through my mind...

Napela was only 8 months old, still sooo little!

We are in the middle of a freaking pandemic.

I had just read Dave Ramsey's book and begun our debt free journey, and having another kid increases expenses.

How could this happen if I am still exclusively breastfeeding and he still wakes up at night to feed?

Holy crap I didn't think we'd actually have more than 2 kids.

The list of my thoughts goes on...

Another thing I want to add is that I believe I developed severe anxiety during my pregnancy with Napela, and I had finally made an appointment to see a therapist to help me address issues that I have in regards to my anxiety. Adding another baby to everything just triggered another mild panic attack in me. 

It is crazy to look back and see how drastically times have changed in the last 5 years. I went from praying and hoping for just one little miracle baby to being blessed with not just 1, but 3! I surely don't deserve this miracle, there are so many other women I know who deserve it more. But for some reason Heavenly Father sees fit to bless me with this, right now. 

The next morning I called my doctor's office and they wanted me to come in that day to confirm the pregnancy and start prenatal care. Sure enough, the test turned out positive. They said my estimated due date would be March 20 based on LMP (last menstrual period) but I knew it would be later since my cycles are longer, and I ovulate much later than CD 14. Sure enough, when I got my first ultrasound and they were expecting me to be 8 weeks 4 days, I was actually only 7 weeks along. This makes my actual due date March 31. That was a sucky blow, because I was having such strong nausea from like 5 weeks along and to me they just extended my first trimester by almost 2 weeks, which meant almost 2 more weeks of nausea. Ugh!

But, I am trying so hard to see this as a blessing and to be grateful. We have several loved ones who have suffered losses over the last year and I would be slapping everybody in the face if I whined and complained about how this wasn't in my plans. I need to go back to the Ari from 5 years ago and think like she thought - "If only I could endure morning sickness, if only I could endure childbirth..." 

I need to have faith in the Lord's plans for us and I need to start preparing my heart to make room to love one more child, because heaven knows how much love I have for my 2 children already. They are going to be so happy to all be reunited earthside and it is going to be so fun watching them grow up together :)