A Wake Up Call
Disclaimer: This is going to be a very embarrassing (for me) blog post. I am not writing this to invite judgement or to belittle myself. My hope is that I will remember the lesson I learned today and not make this mistake anymore. Or that if I ever do make this mistake again, I'll be quick to check myself as I remember this day.
As a teenager, I always looked forward to the day I would become an adult so that I could have more freedom. I felt that my parents were so restrictive and it frustrated me. Of course, now that I am a parent, I understand what their intentions were. However, what I didn't realize when I was a teenager (because what teen would be this observant and wise???) was that once we became adults, with that freedom would come more responsibilities.
As life tends to be, it has been busy and hectic for us. Josh works an 8-4:30 M-F job with the State of Hawaii, and then on Saturdays he cleans pools half day for extra cash. Sundays are full of meetings and Church calling obligations, and sometimes the days throughout the week are also full of meetings and calling obligations. Needless to say, he is a busy guy. Some days he doesn't even get to see Mikala because Mikala's bed time is around 8pm. I am pretty busy too, but I'd like to focus on Josh for a bit.
Josh never complains about how many responsibilities he is shouldering. He doesn't ever ask me if he can quit any of them. He doesn't whine about how tired he is (but sometimes he expresses how hungry he is if he hasn't eaten in awhile :P). He just does it all, because he knows what he is doing these things for (or WHO he is doing these things for).
Yesterday was yet another Saturday where he left before Mikala and I woke up to go clean pools. I'm always a little bummed because Saturday is the one day we could have a family day. On Friday night, Hawaii Kai was hit with torrential rain (sometimes falling at a rate of 4-5 inches per hour) which caused major flooding on the highways and in some residential areas. After he had finished cleaning his pools, he drove past a lady's house that he knew and offered to help. There were men assessing and repairing the property damaged by all the water. He spent a couple of hours helping to clear things out and part of that was ripping out the ruined carpet. Since he normally just wears slippers to clean pools, that's what he had on when he was helping. But he kept slipping, so he took them off and began working barefoot. He ended up stepping on a nail/carpet tack. It was painful, but he didn't bleed significantly so he didn't think much of it.
This morning he woke up and area where the nail punctured his skin looked bright red, and it was spreading. He showed me and asked about it, and I said, "Yeah, maybe you should go to the ER later or something." I ignorantly didn't think much of it either. Thankfully he followed a prompting to call his Bachan (grandmother) who used to be a nurse. She instructed him to definitely seek medical attention. He mentioned he would probably go later, after church. After proceeding to cook Mikala and I breakfast and wash the dishes (when is he not serving people, I swear??), he took Mikala outside to play. While doing so, the Elders Quorum President called him to give him updates on what to share in Ward Council meeting since he had to work. He happens to be a doctor so at the end of their discussion, Josh mentioned what happened yesterday. He told him he needs to come in to the urgent care he works at and see him IMMEDIATELY. At the very same time, Josh's mom, Claudia tried calling him, but since he was already on the phone she called me. She told me to tell him to seek medical attention IMMEDIATELY. With all of these people confirming how serious his injury could be, he changed into his church clothes and left to go to the urgent care where he received a prescription for medication to hopefully prevent further infection.
Josh then called me, apologizing for how expensive the meds would be since no Kaiser clinics are open today and he will need to pay for these out-of-pocket.
Now I'm going to switch gears and share how I have reacted through all of this. This is the embarrassing part.
I felt so guilty about the fact that he felt the need to apologize to me for spending money on himself to ensure his health and safety, and I realized it's because I'm always harping on him about going over our weekly budget (when really it's me who does this, not him!!) I promptly told him that I don't care how much it costs if it's going to make sure he is healthy and will prevent the infection from spreading. He is more important to me than our budget.
When Josh called me yesterday to share that he would be staying later than he thought to help out the Sister with her house, I got mad. Yup. I did. The selfish part of me was upset that now we weren't gonna have our family beach surf time that I had wanted in the afternoon. This upset Josh when I expressed my frustration, but he said, "I've been listening to general conference talks all day about how to be a better missionary and I really feel like this is the best way to share the gospel, is to serve others." So he went ahead and did what he knew was right, even if his wife was unhappy about it. I knew I was wrong to feel that way, which made me even more upset...I couldn't let go of the hopes I had to spend our one day a week (or half day) focused just on our little family.
When Josh came home, he bought me an icee float as a "peace offering" as he called it and I felt better. I apologized but I was still super bummed that I had spent all day at home. He then proceeded to do some much needed work on the house before getting ready to go to a ward activity to support the Young Men at the church building.
This morning as Josh cooked us breakfast, I was STILL holding onto negative feelings towards Josh about how this weekend turned out for ME...
I have to tell you that the moment Josh left to go get his foot taken care of at the urgent care, and I googled TETANUS and saw that there is a 10% rate of fatality among people who contract it, and realized how serious this could have been had he and my mother in law and the elders quorum president not been in tune with the spirit to warn him....things could've been so much worse. It hurts me to clearly see how terrible I had been behaving up until now. It was a huge wake up call to be less selfish, to be more loving, to be more patient and understanding, and especially to be more GRATEFUL. Josh could've lost his foot? Or suffered with an illness for months on end all despite his efforts to serve. I truly believe that the reason why Heavenly Father made sure he got the medical attention needed right away was a direct blessing for Josh's desires to serve His children.
I wish I could say that the way I reacted this weekend was a one time thing. But I do this over and over and over again...I am realizing that it's going to take time and practice and conscious effort to change my ways. I want to be more like Josh. I want to be more like Christ, who never complained about serving others. That is pure love; it is pure charity for others. How often do I do things for others backhandedly, wondering what they will do for me in return? How often do I look for them to praise me when I serve? My only comfort in this situation is knowing of the Atonement -- knowing that as I turn to the Lord and show unto Him my weaknesses, I can have faith that one day they will turn into strengths.
As a teenager, I always looked forward to the day I would become an adult so that I could have more freedom. I felt that my parents were so restrictive and it frustrated me. Of course, now that I am a parent, I understand what their intentions were. However, what I didn't realize when I was a teenager (because what teen would be this observant and wise???) was that once we became adults, with that freedom would come more responsibilities.
As life tends to be, it has been busy and hectic for us. Josh works an 8-4:30 M-F job with the State of Hawaii, and then on Saturdays he cleans pools half day for extra cash. Sundays are full of meetings and Church calling obligations, and sometimes the days throughout the week are also full of meetings and calling obligations. Needless to say, he is a busy guy. Some days he doesn't even get to see Mikala because Mikala's bed time is around 8pm. I am pretty busy too, but I'd like to focus on Josh for a bit.
Josh never complains about how many responsibilities he is shouldering. He doesn't ever ask me if he can quit any of them. He doesn't whine about how tired he is (but sometimes he expresses how hungry he is if he hasn't eaten in awhile :P). He just does it all, because he knows what he is doing these things for (or WHO he is doing these things for).
Yesterday was yet another Saturday where he left before Mikala and I woke up to go clean pools. I'm always a little bummed because Saturday is the one day we could have a family day. On Friday night, Hawaii Kai was hit with torrential rain (sometimes falling at a rate of 4-5 inches per hour) which caused major flooding on the highways and in some residential areas. After he had finished cleaning his pools, he drove past a lady's house that he knew and offered to help. There were men assessing and repairing the property damaged by all the water. He spent a couple of hours helping to clear things out and part of that was ripping out the ruined carpet. Since he normally just wears slippers to clean pools, that's what he had on when he was helping. But he kept slipping, so he took them off and began working barefoot. He ended up stepping on a nail/carpet tack. It was painful, but he didn't bleed significantly so he didn't think much of it.
This morning he woke up and area where the nail punctured his skin looked bright red, and it was spreading. He showed me and asked about it, and I said, "Yeah, maybe you should go to the ER later or something." I ignorantly didn't think much of it either. Thankfully he followed a prompting to call his Bachan (grandmother) who used to be a nurse. She instructed him to definitely seek medical attention. He mentioned he would probably go later, after church. After proceeding to cook Mikala and I breakfast and wash the dishes (when is he not serving people, I swear??), he took Mikala outside to play. While doing so, the Elders Quorum President called him to give him updates on what to share in Ward Council meeting since he had to work. He happens to be a doctor so at the end of their discussion, Josh mentioned what happened yesterday. He told him he needs to come in to the urgent care he works at and see him IMMEDIATELY. At the very same time, Josh's mom, Claudia tried calling him, but since he was already on the phone she called me. She told me to tell him to seek medical attention IMMEDIATELY. With all of these people confirming how serious his injury could be, he changed into his church clothes and left to go to the urgent care where he received a prescription for medication to hopefully prevent further infection.
Josh then called me, apologizing for how expensive the meds would be since no Kaiser clinics are open today and he will need to pay for these out-of-pocket.
Now I'm going to switch gears and share how I have reacted through all of this. This is the embarrassing part.
I felt so guilty about the fact that he felt the need to apologize to me for spending money on himself to ensure his health and safety, and I realized it's because I'm always harping on him about going over our weekly budget (when really it's me who does this, not him!!) I promptly told him that I don't care how much it costs if it's going to make sure he is healthy and will prevent the infection from spreading. He is more important to me than our budget.
When Josh called me yesterday to share that he would be staying later than he thought to help out the Sister with her house, I got mad. Yup. I did. The selfish part of me was upset that now we weren't gonna have our family beach surf time that I had wanted in the afternoon. This upset Josh when I expressed my frustration, but he said, "I've been listening to general conference talks all day about how to be a better missionary and I really feel like this is the best way to share the gospel, is to serve others." So he went ahead and did what he knew was right, even if his wife was unhappy about it. I knew I was wrong to feel that way, which made me even more upset...I couldn't let go of the hopes I had to spend our one day a week (or half day) focused just on our little family.
When Josh came home, he bought me an icee float as a "peace offering" as he called it and I felt better. I apologized but I was still super bummed that I had spent all day at home. He then proceeded to do some much needed work on the house before getting ready to go to a ward activity to support the Young Men at the church building.
This morning as Josh cooked us breakfast, I was STILL holding onto negative feelings towards Josh about how this weekend turned out for ME...
I have to tell you that the moment Josh left to go get his foot taken care of at the urgent care, and I googled TETANUS and saw that there is a 10% rate of fatality among people who contract it, and realized how serious this could have been had he and my mother in law and the elders quorum president not been in tune with the spirit to warn him....things could've been so much worse. It hurts me to clearly see how terrible I had been behaving up until now. It was a huge wake up call to be less selfish, to be more loving, to be more patient and understanding, and especially to be more GRATEFUL. Josh could've lost his foot? Or suffered with an illness for months on end all despite his efforts to serve. I truly believe that the reason why Heavenly Father made sure he got the medical attention needed right away was a direct blessing for Josh's desires to serve His children.
I wish I could say that the way I reacted this weekend was a one time thing. But I do this over and over and over again...I am realizing that it's going to take time and practice and conscious effort to change my ways. I want to be more like Josh. I want to be more like Christ, who never complained about serving others. That is pure love; it is pure charity for others. How often do I do things for others backhandedly, wondering what they will do for me in return? How often do I look for them to praise me when I serve? My only comfort in this situation is knowing of the Atonement -- knowing that as I turn to the Lord and show unto Him my weaknesses, I can have faith that one day they will turn into strengths.
Comments
Post a Comment