That's a line by Kid President. If you don't know who that is, I recommend you watch his videos on Youtube. He's a very inspiring kid. And that's something I needed to hear today.
So much has happened since my last blog post. Let's do some quick updates...
Work: In my second year of teaching, I have an inclusion class. Which, in the world of education means "including" special needs students in the general class setting, so they are able to learn in the "Least Restrictive Environment." It was also decided last year that I would be the Grade Level Chair (GLC) for my team of 5 total 4th grade teachers. ALSO, (there seems to be two too many also's in this update...) I am a co-leader for the Math Content group...for my entire school... WHY did anyone think I could do all of this on top of figuring out how to teach in my probationary years as a teacher?! I don't know. I have no idea.
House: For the past 6 months or so we've gone back and forth with my parents on co-signing to buy a house with them. I think it's finally happening and we'll close sometime in the end of December. We're planning on renting it out so we can save money by staying in our cheap studio. We will move out if something happens that requires that we move...which brings me to my next update.
Baby: Many, many small miracles and tender mercies have been happening lately with this. Sorry in advance, this is going to be my longest update. Simply because this one is of most importance to me, hands down.
Back in May, I successfully ovulated on 100 mg of Clomid. Mind you, this was my 8th round total of taking this drug. Yeah, I had lost count but once I finally counted, I knew that was SO NOT GOOD for my body. That would be the last time I took it. Anyway, I didn't get pregnant. I was so convinced it would work this time. It didn't, again. I was devastated, again. So we took a break from "trying" over the entire summer. We had a really, really fun summer as I didn't have to work and Josh was pool cleaning, so I'd go with him to "help" (...by swimming in fancy rich people pools and playing with puppies and dogs hehehe). It was awesome.
August would be a fateful month for me. Our close friend have a sister who has also struggled with infertility. She lives in Utah, but she was here for their other sister's wedding. We got to talking, and she said something to me that completely changed my life, along with my approach to this trial. She said, "YOU have to fight for your babies to come to earth. Nobody else but you will care as much as you do about them. Not your doctor. Not your friends or your family. YOU." That broke my heart because I knew that my efforts hadn't been 100% for fear of repeated disappointment and discouragement. I resolved right then and there, sitting on the couch next to someone I had just met, that I was going to start giving 110% of my all, my money, my time, my emotional strength, my spiritual efforts, to FIGHTING for my babies to come to earth. Step #1 was to get referred to a reproductive endocrinologist. OB/GYN's can only do so much for you, but the truth is, they don't specialize in infertility. It's like going to a general surgeon to have a procedure done on your mouth but really you should be seeing a dentist! So I fought for that to happen.
I had to jump through hoops to get my RE referral. I needed to get an HSG test done, which is the one where they use an x-ray and you watch a live image of your reproductive organs as they shoot dye through your cervix to see if it moves through your fallopian tubes easily, thus diagnosing whether your tubes are open and clear, or if they are blocked. That was probably the most painful test I've had so far. But the results were worth it, my tubes were open and no problems were seen there! I still had a bunch of other blood and urine testing to get done...doing all of that took about a month.
September rolls around and my friend asks me, "Would you ever consider doing acupuncture?" The fact of the matter is, yes I was starting to consider it. So I got an appointment with Dr. Edie Uchida and she said I had an overgrowth of the Candida fungus in my body. So I went on this strict diet and started taking digestive enzymes and probiotics to help restore a natural balance to my body. I was also getting acupuncture done on me once a week and taking other Chinese herbs. My goal wasn't to get pregnant just yet, because I was more focused on helping my body be healthy again and to function properly. Little did I know...
Now it's October. I FINALLY got my referral to see an RE and I did. I was praying that she would be a good doctor, that I wouldn't walk out of her office with more questions than before entering her office, as has happened in the past with OB/GYN's. I was praying she would know exactly what my body needed to help achieve pregnancy. She was amazing. She was very kind and caring, took the time to explain everything to us and made sure we understood what she was saying. And, she did an ultrasound! Finally! I hadn't had one in forever and needed to know what was going on. Lo and behold, she did the ultrasound and I had a dominant follicle that had been growing without my knowing. I was about to ovulate she said. WHAAAT?! Me? Ovulate naturally? On my own? Without fertility drugs? I couldn't believe my ears or what I was seeing on the ultrasound screen. I started tearing up. She said yes, start taking tests on the Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK's) and start timed intercourse. I left happy but still a little skeptical I would actually ovulate on my own, nevertheless I started doing the OPK's daily. 3 days later, I got a strong positive: the Luteinizing Hormone (LH-the hormone that causes the egg to rupture from the follicle, which is called ovulation) was surging. I called Kaiser and they scheduled me for my first ever IUI, THAT DAY. I was on Cloud 9 and rejoicing at the fact that I was even given this opportunity to do an IUI, which is what I had been wanting for months.
November 1st. I am not pregnant. More negative pregnancy tests. My menstrual cycle starts. The IUI didn't work. I am devastated, again. Disappointed and discouraged, again. I take one day to mourn and grieve what could have been, but the next day I pick myself back up and call my RE and set up an appointment to try again for another month.
Right now, I'm playing the waiting game. I'll know by the end of the month if I actually conceive this time or not, but for now, I am grateful to even have these wonderful miracles and tender mercies in my life. I've never ovulated two months in a row before, but it's happening! The acupuncture, the Chinese herbs, the chiropractor visits, the RE doctor visits -- ALL WHICH OCCUR EVERY WEEK, have been working. I will keep fighting, keep getting back up when life knocks me down, and breakdance! --- Because I know my baby is just around the corner.